My patron saint
Friday, February 2, 2024 @ 10:41 PM
St. Jane Frances de Chantal
Jane suffered from depression for most of her life. The sudden, accidental death of her husband left her suffering for decades. In writing about this experience, she mentioned a variety of distressingtemptations and that she was no longer like herself. It was through Jane’s struggle that she became friends and a spiritual directee of St. Francis de Sales. Her spirituality, with his direction, provided a way of holiness that meant confronting her depression with virtue. This path never cured her depression, even if it did at times alleviate symptoms. Her struggles enabled her to extend empathy and gentleness to those around her, the virtues most accounted for in her saint biographies.
bpd?
@ 10:00 PM
Do I have bdp?
Pain
Wednesday, January 10, 2024 @ 10:50 AM
God can transform your pain into joy.
He turns your weeping into laughing.
Mourning into dancing.
God turns pain into purpose through the stories that we could tell. And the stories that will be told. The stories that are helping others.
If we cannot find a way to make our wounds into sacred wounds, we invariably become cynical, negative, or bitter. This is the storyline of many of the greatest novels, myths, and stories of every culture. If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it—usually to those closest to us: our family, our neighbors, our co-workers, and, invariably, the most vulnerable, our children.
Scapegoating, exporting our unresolved hurt, is the most common storyline of human history. The Jesus Story is about radically transforming history and individuals so that we don’t just keep handing on the pain to the next generation. Unless we can find a meaning for human suffering, that God is somehow in it and can also use it for good, humanity is in major trouble. Because we will suffer. Even the Buddha said that suffering is part of the deal!
We shouldn’t try to get rid of our own pain until we’ve learned what it has to teach. When we can hold our pain consciously and trustfully (and not project it elsewhere), we find ourselves in a very special liminal space. Here we are open to learning and breaking through to a much deeper level of faith and consciousness. Please trust me on this. We must all carry the cross of our own reality until God transforms us through it. These are the wounded healers of the world, and healers who have fully faced their wounds are the only ones who heal anyone else.
Unfortunately, our natural instinct is to try to fix pain, to control it, or even, foolishly, to try to understand it. The ego insists on understanding. That’s why Jesus praises a certain quality even more than love, and he calls it faith. It is the ability to stand in liminal space, to stand on the threshold, to hold the contraries, until we are moved by grace to a much deeper level and a much larger frame, where our private pain is not center stage but a mystery shared with every act of bloodshed and every tear wept since the beginning of time. Our pain is not just our own.
i have grown
Wednesday, January 3, 2024 @ 8:04 PM
Was reading the book "The inner voice of love." And I felt God's presence through the whole process and I feel so renewed in thinking.
Think Lust and possession was something I always struggled with but i think once during confession quite a while back and the priest hit the nail on the head. I was indeed very lonely.
There is a deep hole in my heart and I just fleeing from it. I recognise now that in the past I been trying to make people proud of me being dependent on others to give me an identity.
I often overlook or fail to recognise love that had been offered to me. I often discard it because I am fixed on receiving it from the same person I gave it to.
I recognise that God has given me a beautiful self and God loves me very much and in the same way I must try to recognise the same love in others even when it is very difficult.
I took away from the book that A seed only flourishes by staying in the ground that is sown. I AM A SEED planted in rich soil and I have to trust the process.
I have stopped comparing myself to others. looking back rejection or judgement from others: It did not make me any less of a person but I had compared myself and felt very small.
I recognise now that hey I am me and though I didn't meet their expectations and it doesn't make me any less of a person.
I think I can tell my story today from a place without letting it dominate me and has lost its weight on me.
I do not have to fear anyone as long as I am deeply and safely anchored among my community.
I see myself as PRECIOUS and answering the of being a child of God is recognising that God has entered deeply into my being and offer much of God to others. Instead of putting myself down I know recognise the good within me and Im starting to see the truth of who I am.
And I was reflecting on the areas I needed to grow in too and to trust in the process of healing, growing and walking in love.
I guess I am affected after all.
Tuesday, January 2, 2024 @ 11:49 PM
A realisation. Tmr's test has brought about tensions I could not differentiate or recognise after all.
2024
Sunday, December 31, 2023 @ 5:08 PM
May I grow to be a better person.
May I grow in humility, kindness and love for others.
May I grow in confidence of my self worth.
May I be healthy.
Spent time in ado today...
Saturday, December 30, 2023 @ 12:11 AM
And I had a good time with God my Father.
Today take aways from training.
Friday, December 29, 2023 @ 4:42 AM
Step 1 2 3 4 5.
E.g 1 take the body. 2 add this.. 3 add that 4 and 5 add direction...
But Literally u have taken stuff in the first step. Dont take the same thing. Evaluate what you have already taken.
Can even be an internal shift.
Can even be a collective of 1 2 3 4 in 1 or 1 2 3 4 5 in 1.
You can also do it with 1 hand. Or 2 hands. Or inside.
I am afraid of falling in love.
@ 4:40 AM
I grew up with many women in my family suffering from marriage. Be it a divorce, unfaithful husbands, abusive husbands. I see their pain daily, I see the aftermath. At the same time I see people with loving God centered marriages.
Why am I so afraid of falling in love? When wintermelon and Pancake died. It hurt so much. I cannot imagine losing a human.
Am I afraid of reading the signs wrong? I am. I have. My first crush chatted with me till 5am everynight and walked me home after weekday masses but it wasn't mutual.
What if I am not enough? My bad habits, my snoring, my struggle with food and being a healthy weight, my health issues. What about my bad parts? What about my struggles and my worries?
What about the responsibilities that come with this?
What if we believe in different things spiritually? What if we are of different faith?
어떻게?
Pre-training Anxiety.
@ 4:28 AM
Been struggling a lot with this... but I have managed to show up anyway except for a few times when other anxiety stuff happened inconjuncture with this.
A lot of this stems from a lot of self doubt and also pride... Also a lack of self belief that I can do it. Thank you for sticking in with there with me training partners...
I WILL JUST KEEP TURNING UP AND THATS ALRDY PROGRESS.
