Beloved

2016 is ending.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016 @ 12:35 AM

2016 was challenging.

Almost lost my mind in May... found it so hard to deal with my emotions and it kinda spiraled to me just crying for no reason, taking long walks at night to escape. Sitting by the river and just letting the tears fall and then realizing there was nobody I could really talk to. Whom I didnt feel like I was bothering.. everyone was so busy with work and shits.

That period was really dark for me. I do not want to go back there.

"I can't describe what I'm feeling. I'm not happy, and I know that. But I'm also not exactly sad either. I'm just caught right in between all these emotions and I feel so empty."

I'm not sad, but I'm not exactly happy either. I can laugh and joke and smile during the day, but sometimes when I'm alone at night I forget how to feel."

"And then suddenly I became sad for no reason at all."

Amazingly, God sent me an angel who pulled me out of that hole. She noticed that something was wrong with me and I was not Okay. not at all and persisted to find out what happened. but I didnt know what happened also. but long story short, I could share what I was going through and she also fed me loads of Vit B. supplements which actually helps the body regulate emotions. I became some what normal again.

June and July past, I visited HK with Cassy and had an amazing time in a place where nobody knew me. but a friend walked out of my life. It kinda hurt for a bit, but I realized that was life and life goes on.

August came and for the first time, I actually felt like I loved me.

November came and it was crazy. Had so much on my plate at work. Another friend walked out of my life, but this time he walked straight up to heaven. Rest in Peace Old friend. There are some times where I think you are still alive and that I will see a FB update.

December came and is still here. Work kicked me out of my comfort zone and most of my colleagues. I would say we really grew so much because of that. we got much closer and we really grew together in unity. Then, going to A&E alone with my momma for an eye emergency. Thank God it wasn't serious.

Would I do it all again? nope. but I wouldn't done it any other way.